


A Time to Die

by Innwich



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Deathfic, Heaven, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 09:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2264964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Innwich/pseuds/Innwich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel watched Sam and Dean settle down in their own slice of Heaven. He knew he should be happy for them, but he wasn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Time to Die

Castiel stood in the front yard of a house.

Though Castiel had never been there, he knew it resembled the house where Dean spent his early years and Sam was born. The nursery had been turned into a bedroom lined with bookcases. There was no sign that a fire ever happened there.

A light snow was falling, and snowflakes fell through Castiel like he wasn’t there. A fine layer of powdery snow was gathered on the grass and petals and trees. The front yard looked like the decorations on a Christmas cake.

Through the window, Castiel watched Dean and Sam be welcomed by their parents. Dean pulled Mary into a hug, and Mary, likewise, held tightly to Dean. Sam had slung an arm around John, and he was laughing with his father, in spite of the animosity that existed between them when they were alive.

A fire that no one lit burnt in the fireplace. It cast an orange light over the living room.

The brothers were wearing hand-knit sweaters that Castiel had never seen them worn. He doubted they ever owned such clothing.

They didn’t bear the wounds that killed them.

“It’s a lie,” Castiel said to Chuck, who was standing next to him in the undisturbed snow. It was strange to be taller than his Father, but his Father insisted on wearing the guise of the former prophet.

“It’s a white lie, Cas,” Chuck said.

“Mary Winchester’s soul was destroyed after she sacrificed herself to take down a poltergeist. John Winchester’s soul was lost on earth after he escaped from Hell,” Castiel said. “The real Mary and John are not here.”

“Yeah, it sucks.” Chuck scratched his beard nervously. “But they made their choices. That’s free will for you.”

“Then why are you putting these constructs in the place of Mary and John? Why are you doing this to Sam and Dean?”

“People have to die eventually,” Chuck said. “They can’t live forever, no matter how much we love them.”

“I know,” Castiel said shortly. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Sam and Dean finished their story. It’s time to end it on a good note, with a happy ending where they get to be with their family again,” Chuck said. “I think they deserve that much at least.”

The fight went out of Castiel. “Of course.”

“What about you? What do you want?” Chuck said. He grinned, and his eyes twinkled like stars. There was probably an entire galaxy in his eyes. “You can tell me.”

“I… don’t know,” Castiel said. Now that he’d met his Father in person, he didn’t know what to do with it. “I only want the best for humanity, but my plans never turn out right. I don’t know what I want now.”

“You should live a little, man. Live for yourself,” Chuck said.

“That sounds like something Dean would say.”

Chuck chuckled. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?”

“Can I join them?” Castiel said absently. The Winchesters sat down to dinner, which was a feast consisting of foods slathered in butter and gravy. A sitcom was playing on the television, and the Winchesters laughed at a joke that the protagonist made.

There was an empty chair next to Dean, but there was no extra place set at the table. They weren’t expecting anyone.

Chuck was right: Dean and Sam were happy.

“You belong with the living, Cas,” Chuck said. “You’re an angel and you’re alive. It isn’t good to dwell on the dead.”

“But they are right there,” Castiel said. The house was no more than ten feet away from him. He would walk up to the door and knocked if his hand didn’t phase through everything it touched. Through the window, he watched Dean relish every bite of Mary’s apple pie.

“And they can’t see you,” Chuck said. He sounded sad. “Is it really so bad to keep living?”

Castiel looked up to find Chuck staring at him. Chuck’s eyes held a sea of loss and suffering that his Father had witnessed since the beginning of Creation. Castiel’s throat tightened and his stomach churned. He had to look away from Chuck’s eyes before he drowned in them. “I didn’t expect to see you; I was expecting Death.”

“I know.” Chuck laid a hand on Castiel’s chest like a strange act of benediction. Chuck was hotter than the sun. The touch of his hand sent tendrils of heat down Castiel’s body, down to the tips of his toes and fingers and strands of his hair. The heat boiled his blood and scorched his skin from the inside out. It was burning him alive.

Castiel fell to his knees. His jaw dropped open. He wanted to scream in agony, but no sound would come out of his mouth.

Chuck smiled kindly. “Living is hard and it hurts, but you’ve got to keep going, Cas.”

The heat engulfed Castiel.

“You have to live.”

\- - -

“Castiel?”

Castiel opened his eyes. He was lying on the cold concrete floor of a warehouse. The warehouse was empty, save for a few wooden crates in the far corner. The only source of illumination was the sunlight coming through the windows.

The warehouse smelled of sawdust and earth. It was stuffy.

Castiel raised his arm. His angel blade stuck wetly to his hand. He flexed his fingers, and the blade clattered to the floor.

Someone was calling him.

“Castiel?” Hannah said, kneeling by his side.

Castiel struggled to sit up. The front of his shirt was soaked in blood. There was a hole in his shirt, over where his heart should be. Despite the blood, the skin on his chest was smooth and unbroken.

Hannah had healed him.

Hannah watched him with grave eyes. “Why did you do it, Castiel?”

Wetness welled up in Castiel’s eyes and blurred his vision, but he held the tears back. “Why did you save me?”

“I didn’t. Your blade missed your vital organs,” Hannah said.

“It wasn’t supposed to miss.”

“I know,” Hannah said, and there was something like pity in the thin line of her lips. “Perhaps it wasn’t your time to go yet.”

She held out her arms. Castiel clung to her, and let himself mourn.


End file.
